Yadda, Yadda, Yadda
by CharmingDuckDevil
Summary: With a story told in merely text-messages between a Shadowhunter in training and a teenage Vampire, something is bound to go wrong... K for language and suggestive Malec themes...
1. Of stalkerbrothers and hairy vampires

**This little odd piece is an RP me and my friend did with me as Clary and her as Simon. I will probably keep posting new chapters pretty soon and often since we have way too much fun doing this. :) Another note is that neither fo us have read all of the books, so it would be nice of you not to spoil anything!**

**_Disclaimer: Niether me or my friend owns any of the characters used here. They belong to Cassandra Clare._**

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**Yadda, Yadda, Yadda**

Wed, 9:45 Simon Lewis: Hi girlfriend! I mean like girl friend like a female friend like... You know what I mean! Promise you'd stop Jace if he decides to kill me...

Wed, 9:46 Simon Lewis: And Jace, if you're reading this, why the HELL are you reading Clarys texts!? Stalkerwarning!

Wed, 9:46 Clary Fray: I am not Jace...

Wed, 9:47 Simon Lewis: But, secretly, you are.

Wed, 9:47 Clary Fray: Why would I-em Jace want to look at Clarys texts?

Wed, 9:49 Simon Lewis: Lol epic fail my friend. Bcuz you're a stalker/lover/brother (not that I am not fine with that)

Wed, 9:50 Clary Fray: AM NOT! Or ehh... Jace isn't a stalker/lover... Just a brother who wants the best for his sister! Yeah!

Wed, 9:52 Simon Lewis: I mean, why wouldn't you look through her texts? You never know who Clary's texting. I mean she goes around. First me (I'm hipster), then you, then Sebastian (that dick$), then you again.

Wed, 9:53 Simon Lewis: Why was there a dollar sign at "dick"? Lol

Wed, 9:54 Clary Fray: An expensive dick lol. Jace took my phone again. Sorry for whatever he told you. :)

Wed, 9:55 Simon Lewis: We had a lovely conversation! Please don't look at the text history!

Wed, 9:56 Clary Fray: What do you mean? ...eh? Jace!

Wed, 9:56 Clary Fray: I'm gonna kill him!

Wed, 9:56 Simon Lewis: Oh no...

Wed, 9:57 Clary Fray: OH YES! I'll give him for "caring brother"... grrrr...

Wed, 9:57 Simon Lewis: Well I'd like to see you try...not that I like to admit that.

Wed, 9:58 Clary Fray: You just did.

Wed, 9:58 Simon Lewis: Tiger-Clary is back! I'm ready for the show.

Wed, 9:58 Clary Fray: RAWR

Wed, 9:59 Clary Fray: Grrr... Jace is down for the counting... You're next...

Wed, 9:59 Simon Lewis: Nope... Lol, aren't I the one who's supposed to go all RAWR. You know with the vampire-thingie and all.

Wed, 10:01 Simon Lewis: Haha, you'll never win over my awesome vampire-spiderman-powers!

Wed, 10:02 Clary Fray: Spiderman? Just cuz you can jump on walls and stuff...

Wed, 10:02 Clary Fray: And I can still say RAWR!

Wed, 10:03 Simon Lewis: Well can _you_ jump on walls? I do not reckon you being Shadowhunter-trained.

Wed, 10:50 Clary Fray: Well I'm still _born_ with it, monkey-boy.

Wed, 10:55 Simon Lewis: So you think I'm all hairy and stuff? Well if you're into that kind of stuff, I won't mind.

Wed, 10:56 Simon Lewis: And btw, you should probably keep your phone away from Jace. For my safety, you know.

Wed, 10:59 Clary Fray: Sorry, tails and odd faces isn't really my thing, and I'll be sure to lock Jace up next time.

Wed, 11:00 Simon Lewis: You sure? You seem like that kind of girl. Oh well, maybe Izzy likes hairy vampires.

Wed, 11:01 Clary Fray: Maybe you should try Maia, then she'll have a friend on the "hairy"-subject.

**The more rewiews we get, the more motivation we will have to write more!**


	2. Of sleeping bigfoots and psychoboyfriend

**Same!**

**_Disclaimer: You know the drill..._**

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**Yadda, Yadda, Yadda**

Thu, 13:02 Simon Lewis: You wanna see the band practice tonight? It's now called "Sleeping Bigfoot"

Thu, 13:03 Simon Lewis: It's catchy right?

Thu, 13:04 Clary Fray: Very. Were did you get it from?

Thu, 13:05 Simon Lewis: A sleeping bigfoot I reckon.

Thu, 13:06 Clary Fray: So you just casually stumbled upon a sleeping bigfoot the other day? Nothing special right?

Thu, 13:07 Simon Lewis: No, just like drinking blood for breakfast, dating your brother and killing demons before bedtime. Just a typical day.

Thu, 13:08 Clary Fray: ...but you did find a sleeping bigfoot?

Thu, 13:08 Simon Lewis: Yup, well Eric did. I think.

Thu, 13:09 Clary Fray: Tell him I'm sorry. Sure I'll come, as long as he won't tell his poetry.

Thu, 13:09 Simon Lewis: Changed plans. Eric just texted me and told me that the band is now called "Greed Cocoon".

Thu, 13:10 Simon Lewis: Okay, but you'll come to see Greed Cocoon at least.

Thu, 13:11 Clary Fray: That will be one interesting sight...

Thu, 13:13 Simon Lewis: I really need to talk to him about the name... Personally I think we should be called something like "Vampire Lewis" or "Awsome Vampire Simon".

Thu, 13:14 Clary Fray: Why of course, but I think "Shadowhunter" or something would sound better.

Thu, 13:18 Simon Lewis: "Shadowhunter Vampire Simon"...I think the "Vampire Simon" brings a nice ring to it.

Thu, 13:25 Simon Lewis: You busy kissing boys again?

Thu, 13:27 Clary Fray: Yes, you know, because every boy I know and could have any interest in has no problem at all with anything.

Thu, 13:28 Simon Lewis: Nope. One is only a psychopath and the other one's your brother. Good job Clary.

Thu, 14:29 Simon Lewis: Is it okay if I copy your assignment in whatever we're doing in religion? I have to admit, vampires aren't good at everything. Especially sparkling and maths.

Thu, 14:29 Simon Lewis: But were awesome in WoW.

**Feed the rewiew button!**


	3. Of Stolen Phones and Malec

**Extra long Chapie! Yay! And more to come!**

**_Disclaimer: You know what I mean..._**

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**Yadda,Yadda, Yadda**

Thu, 16:48 Simon Lewis: Band practice starts at 8pm that is. You're with Jace right now, aren't you?

Thu, 17:51 Clary Fray: Hehe.. what? Ehh... No! I kocked him out earlier, remember?

Thu, 17:52 Simon Lewis: Yeah right, cause I totally believe you. That was yesterday.

Thu, 17:54 Clary Fray: She's- I mean, I am not Jace!

Thu, 17:56 Clary Fray: And Jace didn't take my cellphone again.

Thu, 17:56 Simon Lewis: Dude, you're killing it trying to be Clary. I'm sure he didn't.

Thu, 17:58 Clary Fray: Argh! Jace took my phone AGAIN! Don't worry, I've locked him in a room with Alec and Magnus for the rest of the day.

Thu, 18:00 Simon Lewis: That, I'm sure he'll enjoy. Is Magnus still wearing that sari he got from India?

Thu, 18:02 Clary Fray: I think it'll be interesting. And yes, he is still wearing it. I think Alec is getting jealous.

Thu, 18:04 Simon Lewis: Or maybe he just wants it to end up on the floor.

Thu, 18:05 Clary Fray: I'm sure! He was looking at it so... Darkly...

Thu,18:06 Simon Lewis: What does Alec look at _lightly_?

Thu, 18:47 Clary Fray: Point taken. Only he could look uncomfortable _and_ glad at the same time.

Thu, 21:11 Simon Lewis: Yeah. Has Jace found a way to get out from the Malec-prison?

Thu, 21:19 Clary Fray: Nope. But I can swear I can hear some muffled noises coming from there...

Thu, 21:26 Simon Lewis: Wait... like sexy noises or annoying noises? You never know with Jace, Magnus and Alec in the same room...

Thu, 21:57 Clary Fray: Both. And somehow I can think of who's making which sound...

Thu, 21:57 Clary Fray: *shudder*

Thu, 21:58 Simon Lewis: Oh... That's not good.

Thu, 22:02 Clary Fray: Wonder what that would be called... Malace? Almost like malice... is there a connection?

Thu, 22:03 Simon Lewis: LOL you getting jealous?

Thu, 22:03 Clary Fray: What?! No! Nonononononononononono NO!

Thu, 22:04 Simon Lewis: That's one too many 'no's sis. Eh, not like real sister, like sis-sister...

Thu, 22:09 Clary Fray: Oh, Jace is getting out now, I unlocked the door... I never thought he would get out so fast, practically threw the door in my face... he looks a bit scared...

Thu, 22:09 Clary Fray: Aaaaaand now he ran to his room...

Thu, 22:12 Simon Lewis: Oh my, I wish I'd been there.

Thu, 22:14 Clary Fray: Trust me, you wouldn't. He had this "What has been seen cannot be unseen" expression on his face...

Thu, 22:15 Simon Lewis: Oh, I'm pretty sure I want to see that.

Thu, 22:17 Clary Fray: ...okay, so it looked a _teeny tiny_ bit funny... But do you think I should talk to him about it?

Thu, 22:20 Simon Lewis: Yeah, cuz a buff guy like Jace would want to talk about one of the most embarrassing moments of his life...

Thu, 22:21 Clary Fray: I'm sure I could get something out of him if I try hard enough...

Thu, 22:22 Simon Lewis: That's what she said.

Thu, 22:22 Clary Fray: -_- You're so mature.

Thu, 22:24 Simon Lewis: Aw, come on! You _so_ had it coming! ...and that's also what she said.

Thu, 22:26 Clary Fray: Gawd, will you ever stop? Anyway, so how did band practice go? Sorry I couldn't go. Please don't tell me Eric have used the word "loins" in the lyrics too?

Thu, 22:30 Simon Lewis: Nope! It went okay, we changed the name again. Now it's "Pink Sign Usury"

Thu, 22:30 Simon Lewis: And yes he did.

Thu, 22:36 Clary Fray: Well am I surprised? No. Sorry 'bout the pause there, ran into Jace again. He'll never forgive me.

Thu, 22:37 Simon Lewis: Yeah he will.

Thu, 22:38 Clary Fray: Really? I heard him muttering about never looking at cushions the same way again.

Thu, 22:39 Simon Lewis: Well it wasn't your fault Malec couldn't hold it.

Thu, 22:44 Clary Fray: True. Oh, I just ran into Magnus. He looked creepily satisfied with himself. And he called me biscuit again. -_-

Thu, 22:46 Simon Lewis: Oh god. But yeah, we'll talk tomorrow. Gotta go to bed.

Thu, 22:46 Clary Fray: Sure, niight!

**Rewiews, rewiews everywhere would be nice!**


	4. Of Math and DoorKnockers

******Sooooo sorry for the delay! I haven't had a computer near me the last few days so couldn't write anything! Also sorry for this very, very small chapie but I promise there will be more and more to come!**

**Reply for Firefly264: I admit that it would be fun, but like I said in the begining, this is a RP me and my friend are doing, and we don't have anyone else who has read TMI... So, sorry!**

**_Disclaimer: Yup..._  
**

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**Yadda, Yadda,Yadda**

Sat, 20:32 Simon Lewis: Hi. Is Jace still "damaged"?

Sat, 20:39 Clary Fray: Well, he's still a bit nervy, but I'm sure he'll come to. After Alec tried to talk to him we had to make him eat Isabelles chili to make him snap out of staring at the wall...

Mon, 9:45 Simon Lewis: So, how's math doing?

Mon, 9:46 Clary Fray: Boring... The teach is talking and talking and talking... And I can see you think so too...

Mon, 9:48 Simon Lewis: Yup. Why can't vampire awesomeness also involve being smart?

Mon, 9:48 Clary Fray: Well at least you have all the time in the world to learn...

Mon, 9:51 Clary Fray: Sorry, was that a touchy subject?

Mon, 9:52 Simon Lewis: Nah, meh, it's fine. I'm getting used to it. Anyway, how's Jace doing?

Mon, 9:54 Clary Fray: At the Institute, rocking back and forth curled up in a ball while Alec is frantically knocking the door.

Mon, 9:56 Simon Lewis: Aren't YOU supposed to be the one knocking that door?

Mon, 9:59 Clary Fray: No, I'm in school, ignoring the teacher. Duh.

Mon, 10:01 Simon Lewis: Ah, right. Forgot.

Mon, 10:04 Clary Fray: Six minutes left...

Mon, 10:08 Simon Lewis: Hell yeah! Funny how I can say things like hell and devil but not god. Apparently, I can text it. Anywho... it's lunch after this, right?

Mon, 10:13 Simon Lewis: And btw, I think Jace is obsessed with your phone. I think he likes the pink color.

Mon, 11:57 Simon Lewis: AWNSER MEEE

Mon, 11:59 Clary Fray: Yes. I think so too.

Mon, 12:00 Simon Lewis: What are you, Cleverbot or something?

Mon, 12:01 Clary Fray: No. I am not Ceverbot.

Mon, 12:02 Simon Lewis: CLARISSA FRAY MORGENSTERN.

Mon, 12:02 Clary Fray: That's me. SIMON ...WHATEVER LEWIS.

Mon, 12:03 Simon Lewis: OKAY. CAPS LOCK FTW.

Mon, 12:03 Clary Fray: nooo...

Mon, 12:04 Simon Lewis: YES...

**"Feed me... Feeeeed meee..." Guess what that was? It was the rewiew button. You know what it eats? It likes either Non-Rewiewers or Rewiews...**


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